Whats this blog about? What ever I damn-well feel like…

The Life and Death of Kyle Clifford

And so it begins;

It was a bright and sunny day, as it is for everyone when they are first introduced to the world. Kyle Clifford had just been created, as a young adult nonetheless. Why deal with potty training, school and acne when you can just start out on top.    He, undoubtedly, was the coolest guy in Moonlight Bay. Biased you ask? Of course not! What I say is the truth!

He had a lifelong ambition to become a rock star. This couldn’t be too hard, considering all of his good traits. He was  friendly, a conversationalist, flirt, party animal, and a great kisser. How do I know all these things? It’s because I created him, get with the program.

He started with a small lot on Easy Street. It was a little one bedroom-one bathroom house, fit for a slacker out of high school. Whats the first thing to do? Throw a party of course! What better way to meet the neighbourhood than the sweet smell of pizza through the window and a few spiked drinks. After a long few days of nothing but wooing women and playing guitar in the park, something became clear to him that he wished had never become clear at all, his money was dwindling and he needed to get a job. “Oh yes!” he thought, “I want to be a rock star! I forgot!”. He had now realized he needed to actually play music elsewhere than the park and get paid, rather than party and get laid (At this point he hadn’t actually got laid, but that isn’t from lack of effort). So he headed off to the theatre looking for a career in the music business. Little did he know that it involved only walking through the door, no resume or musical skills, to get a job as a musician in this town. “It must be my lucky day”, he thought.

Time passed, and Kyle kept up his antics. He threw parties, flirted with women and spent late nights at the theatre entertaining and helping others entertain. This is all until one day when he met a wonderful little asian woman named Nicole. Things were electric right from the start. They were affectionate and spent the next few days together, and had a sleepover or two. Finally they ended up in love, and Kyle bedded his first woman. Hurrah. He later proposed (Yes, it was premarital, the times are a-changing) and married Nicole. She didn’t move in yet though, and it took some convincing for whatever reason. Women…

A new era had dawned for Kyle and Nicole Clifford, including a larger bed and a fancy self-flushing toilet (although they almost missed bill payments and could eat only grilled cheese and pancakes for a while after that). It didn’t take long until Nicole had a baby bump. She continued working as a business woman for as long as she could then went on maternity leave. Kyle, not yet realizing the effects of his mindless sperm, continued to throw parties, and mingle with friends, including his best friend and boss next door.

All that changed when young Kingston Clifford was born. Kyle’s mindset had changed. Now he had someone to take care of and look after. He still threw parties, but they ended before 1 a.m. so the wife could get her sleep and make breakfast in the morning. What a sweetheart. Money got tight in the Clifford household. Cribs and toys and babysitters, it was getting harder to handle. Kyle was losing touch with his friends, but he was doing much better at work and developing a good relationship with Kingston. Nicole was having a harder time moving up in the workplace, but her boss was a bitch. As Kingston grew out of his infant and toddler stages and became a child, the Cliffords had saved up a bit of money and decided it was time to move into a larger, more family friendly house.

This is where shit went wrong. Once they moved into the house, they realized they were awful at math and had less than $100 to furnish and feed (after a few renovations). They worked hard and began to get things on track. This is when Nicole’s estrogen levels skyrocketed and decided to have another baby. Uncertain at first, Kyle slowly loosened up to the idea, even if it was to quiet the consistent nagging. They had a little Woo Hoo under the covers and sure enough, Nicole was back on maternity leave. Money was tight, but not as bad as before. They figured they worked at different times of the day, and Kingston went to school, so they could juggle raising a baby. One night as Nicole was waddling out of the bathroom she began to grab her stomach in agony. Unlike the last birth Kyle didn’t have time to get her to the hospital. He ran and grabbed the scissors, she was going to have the baby right there on the living room floor. That’s when things took a wild twist. Kyle looked at the floor to see two babies laying there. He blinked, but the second baby did not go away. That’s right, twins. Damn it. Neveah and Angelita Clifford. They could only afford to buy one crib, so the babies had to alternate unfortunately. This was true poverty. One child would sleep in the crib, while the other would sleep on the living room floor, while Kyle, Nicole, and Kingston stayed in their beds.

Kyle began to work even harder, as did Nicole. Kyle also started whoring himself out playing guitar in the park. Anything to pay the bills. They finally could afford a second crib and things were looking up. Kingston was now a teenager and working a part-time job to help the family, Kyle was a backup vocalist for the band, and Nicole, well like I said Nicole’s boss was a bitch. (She was even invited to a few parties, where she would pretend to be entertained and then leave, claiming it was the worst party she had ever been too)

The kids were growing up and things were starting to fall in place. Kingston was a certified genius and Neveah and Angelita were well on their way. Kyle and Nicole had retired and were living a simple life. Eating, bathing, raising, and sleeping. Things were getting too simple.

Tera Vasquez, a latino woman who lived on the other side of town, had met Kyle before, while playing his guitar in the park. Kyle knew he was getting old and wanted to see if he still had the charm he was known for, back when he was a young whippersnapper. Tera was a young adult now, probably half Kyle’s age. He had met her before as a young girl. He probably knew her parents, but they are dead now and couldn’t remember who they were (They obviously weren’t THAT close). So began Kyle’s affair. He began to flirt and charm Tera until dark, where he decided it best to go home and tuck in the children.

The next morning he had the desire to hang out with Tera again. So he headed to her house and knocked on the door. He was greeted with a big hug and the two continued where they left off. Then it headed to the bedroom. They got under the covers and got at it. When they were done Angelita burst in the door, disgusted at Kyle. Little did he know she was friends with Tera’s daughter. After some pleading and possibly a trip to the ice cream store Angelita agreed to keep it hush-hush and got went back to respecting her father. They went home, and naturally Kyle went and banged his wife, presumably out of guilt.

Sure enough, when Kyle next went to visit Tera there was a baby bump. This was some damn potent sperm Kyle had, even at his old age. He told her he would be there for the bastard child, and talked to and rubbed her stomach. He went home and spent some time with the family, when all of a sudden he got a call letting him know the baby was born. The next day he went to visit his new son Daemon Vasquez, but when he rang the doorbell no one answered. Sure enough she was at the pond across the road, but he couldn’t get inside to see the baby until she let him in. So he talked to her for a while and convinced her to go home. Kyle followed her home, but she went in first. Kyle decided to ring the door bell again. Still no answer, even though he just watched her go into the house. Peeking through the window he seen her, ignoring the bell, and playing her guitar. Kyle couldn’t believe it. A depressing walk home it was, all he wanted to do was see his secret son.

Once he got home he went upstairs (Oh yes, Renovations to the house after the girls became children included an upstairs bedroom and bath) to fix the shower Angelita decided to break. (Pure evil this girl, the twin that no one expected) Halfway through fixing he felt a slight chill. He turned and went to the girls room, only to find the Grim Reaper standing there waiting for him. Kyle’s heart stopped and he began to weep. He didn’t get to say goodbye to Kingston, Neveah, Angelita, or Nicole. He wasted his last day knocking on the rich whore up the street’s door only to be turned down to see his new-born son. His body was now gone and he moped around the house in ghost form. He found Nicole and gave her one last Woo Hoo (as a ghost. Yes, yes you can) and threaded off into the netherworld, never to be seen again.


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